Some Far Better ‘FIFA Rule Changes’


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Recently Marco Van Basten proposed some rule changes that would revolutionize the sport, some of which I found to be… lets go with ridiculous!

Scrapping the offside rule for example would fundamentally change the way football is played, something I certainly do not agree with. The sport is perfect. Leave it be.

That being said, there is a fine line between changing the way the sport is played and changing the way it is managed. For example, goal-line technology has been a revelation and has put to bed the consistent controversy that came from referees trying to make near impossible decisions that inevitably were often wrong.

With that in mind, I actually quite like another of Van Basten’s suggestions; only the captains from each team being able to talk to the referee. I did however think this was already a rule? Clearly players still do it though, so stricter penalties are needed.

Right then, lets move on to the meat in this blog sandwich. If you’re reading this Marco, take note, because I am about to top trump you in the category of ‘Terrible New Rule Ideas’. Take a seat.


Swap sides everyone…at random!

Once during every game a massive klaxon will sound and at that very moment, regardless of where everyone is, both teams swap sides! So both goalkeepers will find themselves down the wrong end of the pitch, and if they are fortunate enough to have the ball at their feet will find themselves shooting up the scoring charts.

Every team must field one ‘Non-footballer’

By this I mean anyone who has never played professional football before. This would give people like me, and probably you, a chance to play for their dream club along side their heroes! It would bring the fans closer to the club, and a whole new dimension to the sport. And once the ‘non-footballer’ had made his professional debut he would no longer be eligible to play again, and someone else would get their chance. Of course these is the possibility that the non-footballer would be signed up on the back of their stunning debut and go on to greatness. We can all dream!


Introduce paintball to the sport, not for the players, but for the managers! Three shots each! I would suggest giving some of the fans paintball guns too but…well we can all see why that wouldn’t work! But managers, that certainly could!

Just imagine… “And much to the oppositions frustration Raheem Sterling has gone down rather tamely again…BAM! Good job he’s already found fatherhood! 2 weeks on the sidelines!”

Pre-match Lie Detector Test

“Question for John Terry please; how many of your team-mates wives have you slept with so far this season?”

“If I had to give an answer, no more than a couple…”

“Ha! We don’t need a lie detector for that one!”

Drunk Referees

A couple of whiskeys before the game and send them out. “Don’t you look at me like that Costa mate, you wanna go? Do ya! Right, that’s a booking for you, and Luiz, booking for that hair cut!

Or the old “I didn’t see enough to give the foul” would be a whole lot more understandable when the referee was down the other end chatting up a fan!

Football in the Dark

Simple. Football is often player at night anyway, so why not add a twist by turning off the floodlights. Introduce a luminous football to play with, or maybe just light a normal football on fire, and away they go! Of course, it wouldn’t be much of a spectator sport, and it certainly wouldn’t help the standard of refereeing.


Of course I don’t actually want any of these rules to come in to the sport, but if Van Basten can have a laugh and test the limits of the fans then why can’t I?!

And if you have any ideas of your own, please comment below. I would love to hear them, as would others, so go for it! As always thank you for reading my blog and I hope you come back next time.

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